Crappy Parenting & a Gorilla (June 1, 2016)

I’ve never let my children out of my sight when we are out in public. In fact, I watch them from the moment they wake up until I tuck them in at night. And, even when they are sleeping, I stand alert and keep my eyes on them.

So, when I heard the news about the mother that was doing a crappy job parenting and let her son jump into a gorilla cage at the Cincinnati Zoo, I instantly was outraged. How dare she screw up like that? Now, a beautiful, one-of-a-kind creature of God is no longer on this earth; shot and killed by zoo officials because of her irresponsibility.

Oh, wait. Let me shake my head for a moment. I was caught up in the spin of the ever present voice of the faceless social media squad.

 In reality, a beautiful, one-of-a-kind creature of God happens to still be on this earth because of the immediate and responsible actions of those same zoo officials. Let’s say this out loud: a child was rescued and is alive after experiencing a horrific, likely emotionally scaring for life, accident. An accident. Say it again for effect. AN ACCIDENT.

When I first heard the story, I will admit, my heart ached for the gorilla’s death. The lead-in for the story stated that a distracted mother lost sight of her four-year-old son (which was wrong, as the child is only three) and an endangered 17-year-old silverback gorilla named Harambe, had to be shot and killed. I even said something along the lines of, “That poor gorilla. Too bad the mother wasn’t watching her kid.” And then I tripped over the stack of toys my own five-year-old had placed in the hall, when I wasn’t watching.

That mother, on top of having the life scared out of her watching her tiny son being tossed around by a 400-pound gorilla; let me repeat that, a GORILLA, has had to go through a week of not only dealing with her own parental guilt, but being called every name possible by millions of strangers across the world. The memes have been almost as horrific as the situation itself. Yesterday I saw one with a photo of the gorilla captioned “I would still be alive today if some bitch had been watching her kid.”

Have we all gone crazy? Or, is there some alternate universe full of perfect parents colliding with the one in which I reside? Because, let me tell you a little tidbit of truth: we’ve all taken our eyes off of our children for “just a second” and then shit happens. It does.

 If you are shaking your head right now, and about to insist you have NEVER lost sight of your child’s actions, then you are a liar. Move along and go collect your Parent of the Year Award. While you’re at it, grab your “I never let my kids eat at McDonald’s” and the “My kids don’t watch television” plaques.

Or, if you are not a parent, and you are just that lovely type of person blessed with the knowledge of everything, then how about you get back to me when you DO have a kid.  And, when your six-year-old daughter tells your three-year-old son to shove a button up his nose when you are in the living room talking to your in-laws, I’ll be there to hold your hand when you rush him to the hospital. Because shit happens. And that actually did happen; just ask my brother.

Still shaking your head? Still insisting that your child would never be able to crawl into a gorilla cage? You do realize that kids between the ages of two and six are basically ninjas, right? They climb and hide and take off like little banshees the second you turn your back on them. Literally.

Oh, I forgot, that never happens to you. Well, humour me for a moment and do a quick experiment. It’ll be fun!  Set a timer for 20 seconds; you know, the amount of time it takes to look in your purse for your wallet, or grab your camera, or tie your shoe. Take your child out in your back yard and then close your eyes. Don’t open them until the beeper goes off.

Did your child stay attached to your side? Be honest now. Or, as in my case, did your child knock over an entire bottle of bubbles and bolt for the garden to dig up worms?

This mother is not guilty of neglect or a bad person. She did not leave her child unattended for half an hour, or even fifteen minutes. It only takes a few seconds for a child to disappear.

In fact, I had a similar situation when my son was three-years-old. No, he did not get into a gorilla cage, but I lost sight of him and it was the most agonizing moments of my entire life.

He and I were waiting in line to pick up a prescription. He has always been a talker, so he was chatting away to two men in line behind us. It was my turn, so I held his hand and went to talk to the pharmacist. I let go of his hand to grab the prescription, and pay for it.  I looked down afterward and he was gone. Just gone. He was not looking at toys in the aisle or talking to anyone. In a matter of 15 seconds he was gone. And so were the two men in the line behind me. I immediately told the pharmacist to call a Code Adam (which means the store goes into lock down until a child is located) because I knew he had not just wandered off. My story has a happy ending. My son was located a few minutes later at the store’s front entrance doors. My instincts told me he was in danger, and I believe, even now, that he was lured away from me. Was I being a bad mother? Was I not paying attention to him? Absolutely not. And neither was the mother at the zoo.

Yes, it is extremely upsetting and sad that an animal as glorious as a gorilla was shot and killed, but there simply was no other choice. There was a three-year-old child locked in his territory. He was literally tossing the poor child back and forth. There was no time to waste.

There are a lot of independent circumstances which lead to this tragic situation. The mom lost sight of her son for a brief moment. The child had a natural curiosity and went closer to an animal he wanted to see. The zoo did not have adequate barriers in place to prevent a curious child from entering a gorilla’s cage. The crowd watching the event sparked the gorilla’s agitation. The gorilla was acting on his own natural instincts.

Let me make it absolutely clear: I am not pro killing animals of any kind. I am a vegetarian who will move a spider out of the house on a piece of paper instead of squishing it. I agree, Harambe was an amazing gorilla, and what happened to him was not just. But, he also was not starring in an adaptation of the Jungle Book. He was not going to comfort and protect that small child.

The zoo officials are trained specifically for situations like this, and did not make a rash, sudden decision. They made a decision based on their PROFESSIONAL assessment  of what was happening, and Harambe's growing agitation. Again, they are trained to assess a situation quickly and make an immediate decision. There was no time to sit and sing Kumbaya and coax the boy from Harambe. The fact is, Harambe was claiming the boy as his possession and was not going to quietly give him back.

Instead of shaming the mom, maybe we should focus on how lucky this young boy is to be alive. Let’s think about how traumatic it would have been for him to be tossed around by an animal he loved, and then have that animal killed right beside him.

The truth is that child could have been any of ours, so let’s own up to it. Perfect parenting does not exist.

Originally posted on my The Forty Years blog on June 1, 2016 after some deep thinking about how my parenting skills are basically perfection....