Guns and Bombs

We sit in the Walmart McDonald's by the window
waiting for fast food delight

Baby Summer in her highchair
"bro" she says, pointing at Jaevin
"do i get a toy? do i get a big mac? daddy didn't order me the right thing!" he chatters
excitedly and loudly

so loudly that he drowns out
the
drone of a man talking on the speaker

i don't pay attention at all to the man
someone needed here
someone being paged
price check, please

but why does the man keep talking?
why does he talk in a too calm voice?
why is darren looking at me with a smile when his eyes are alarmed?
why are the old ladies at the front of the restaurant running out?
why is the family beside us grabbing their food and children and leaving?

WHAT IS THE MAN SAYING?
SHHHHH....Jaevin.........shhhhh......Mommy needs to hear!

"Attention Walmart shoppers. We ask you to quickly evacuate the store immediately. Sorry for the inconvenience, and we will reopen as soon as possible."

my god, i can't get my baby out of the high chair!
she's stuck
darren so calm and still smiling, strained,
"we need to get out of the store"

i know, i know,
but
i can't get the baby

i try four times and can't get her out,
yet he does in

one

quick

moment


"i'm hungry mommy! what's going on?"

i grip his tiny hand so hard i feel his bones

i do not want to lose him

guns, i think,
please let us get out, please let my babies out

i know i am panicking but i try to be calm for my babies

i look back and darren is holding summer and is talking to the
mcdonald's manager

give me the baby , i think i say, but probably shout
i hug her close and hold him tight and do not let go

we are separated from their daddy
but i get them out

jaevin picks up the panic....
he sees police
he sees people running
he sees police cars parked on the curb
he doesn't see daddy
he cries and runs to the window and sees darren leaving mcdonalds
i grab him
"away from the window!"
i think of stray bullets

i hold them too tight
but not tight enough
they probably have bruises

relief comes
i can breath
i can see him again,
darren
he made it out

bomb threat he says quietly

but jaevin hears
he doesn't understand


we walk away from the building and get in our van
i watch people
standing
wondering
praying
curious
excited
incredulously some bitching
they can't finish their
shopping
not realizing they are lucky to be finishing their
lives

the employees, a stream of blue blazers, exit together
they walk across the parking lot and stand huddled
checking lists and following
procedure

jaevin questions and questions and
i
don't
know
the
answers


how do i explain
without terrifying him?

it is over now

there wasn't an explosion
but my son's innocence was shattered

mass consumption will continue
back to the norm


but i wonder
is it the norm for me to immediately assume GUNS when being evacuated from a building
instead of assuming FIRE?

how can i explain that to my children?